When I was younger, I always heard that “true gentleman” value and don’t fear commitment. I also heard a lot of girls I used to be friends with complain about how their ex-boyfriends didn’t like commitment and how they shouldn’t have dated in the first place then. Now that I’ve gone out into the dating world, I can confirm several of my breakups were caused by the person fearing commitment.
Some were just the person was an asshole, some were that they lost feelings mid-relationship, and if it wasn’t either two, they were just plain afraid of commitment. But what makes people afraid to commit? What are some of the reasons anyway, or your reasons if you fear or feared commitment?
My ex “C” said our relationship wasn’t “real” and didn’t mean anything, and that she liked me but wasn’t looking for a long-term commitment. She also essentially wanted to be FWB (friends with benefits) but later said she didn’t want to and we were just friends and that we never actually had a relationship.
Keeping their options open. Ive had many conversations with people who have a long term relationship but they never married and they insist that it’s exactly the same ‘just without a piece of paper’.
No, it’s not.
That piece of paper isn’t the only thing that’s different. The difference is being 99% committed or 100% committed and it’s “only” 1% difference but that 1% is a huge difference.
100% committed means I’m not scared to marry you because I want to be with you the rest of my life. That means I’m here, I’m 100% for you and no one else no matter what happens. Not ‘til the feeling goes away’, not ‘til you dont turn me on anymore’, not ‘til someone else intrigues me more’, not 'til you dont look like you did when I met you, not ‘til you are more work that I thought you’d be’, not ‘til you get sick’, not ‘til we’re not having fun anymore’… I’m here TIL I DIE, come hell or high water, good times or bad. 100% committed.
And when you find that kind of commitment, a relationship finds its groove and you can start to relax and really enjoy life together. Because you know your spouse has no plans, no desire, not even any thought of going elsewhere. THAT’S what makes marriage and 100% commitment the most fulfilling and most satisfying relationship.