Idk I’ve been a well dressed white lady with a nice car for so long. Cops don’t pay much attention to me. When I was blond, I was practically invisible to police. Probably that time there was a medical emergency call from a nearby apartment and the cop who was first on the scene knocked on the wrong apartment. I was winding down after work in the god awful middle of the night and lit up a bowl when they knocked. Fortunately the whole house was dark, everything turned off, so it wasn’t weird that I took my sweet ass time getting to the door, turning on fans and putting on clothes. By the time I opened it, they had figured out that they were at the wrong apartment and left, so they didn’t smell anything. Pretty sure they took it as I just woke up to the knocking and they didn’t ever even speak to me.

How about the time I didn’t ;-)

So at the time medical weed was legal, recreational wasn’t, I did not have a doctor’s recommendation.

Driving home from a friends house after midnight I decided to hit up the 24 hour grocery store and get some cereal and milk. I had less than half a gram in the passenger seat back pocket. And expired tags.

Woop-woop: party in my rear-view mirror. The encounter goes bad from the get-go. They tell me to get out, ask for permission to search, which I deny. They then explain that they can tow and impound my vehicle for the expired registration (it was really expired) and will search it anyway. So I consent to the search and it gets worse!

I’m diabetic and I have a used syringe in my arm rest compartment with the needle poking through the plastic safety cap… and it sticks to one of the cops finger.

Now they are convinced I’m a degenerate heroin addict or something. They find the pill case on my keychain… I explained it was my ADD medication and they threatened to arrest me because it’s not in a proper bottle. They test it with a reagent kit and accuse me of lying because it lists the generic name and I gave them the brand name.

And finally one of them finds my pathetically tiny stash.

Busted.

Fortunately the quantity was to small for serious prosecution so I was forced to attend an all day class. And that’s how I got a cheap paper certificate that say “For the Successful Completion of Marijuana”

My car broke down one day a few miles from home and a trooper happened to come along and offered a ride home so I could get to a (pre-cell) phone and call for a tow truck. As I got in the front passenger seat, I suddenly remembered that I was coming from picking up a not-small bag of fairly fragrant weed, which was in my right hand pants pocket near the door and away from the officer. Couldn’t suddenly change my mind about the ride and get out, because that would seem strange, so I just rolled the window halfway down like I was on automatic, and he didn’t say anything about it. Then spent the next few miles having really, really normal, non-suspicious conversation until he dropped me off at the end of my driveway.

Another incident, where I was driving home in the middle of the night, and was falling asleep, so I made the responsible decision to pull over into a safe area to get a nap and not be danger to anyone. Woke up to a flashlight tapping my window, surrounded by officers, wanting to know why I was there, as if it wasn’t clear I was sleeping. After explaining that I didn’t want to kill myself or another person from falling asleep behind the wheel, they decided my car needed to be searched, and I didn’t care because I didn’t think anything was in there, just said fine, let me nap in the back of your car while you waste your time. They found in my glove compartment a small wooden box, that I had never seen before, that had a minipipe and weed leftovers, and the only explanation I could give them was a recent hitchhiker must have left it there.

Totally unbelievable, only thing I could come up with to explain it, and for whatever reason they let me go while confiscating it. And then forced me to get in the car and start driving again in a sleep deprived state, but at that point I was so deliriously awake that I got home ok.

edit: yes, that last one happened before I was aware of how often cops plant evidence in cars

Wow! Even Germany?

Sweden has gotten more and more draconian on our war on drugs. Like, they were literally talking about stop and frisk last election.

The first time I ever smoked weed was at the homecoming football game freshman year. I had a crush on this girl who was also friends with a bunch of Juggalos, and her and I had gone to the game together and met up with them. One of them pulled out one of those aluminum bowls that turns into a necklace and some good ol’ Mexican brick weed and passes it around, and I wanted to be cool so I hit it and everyone thought I was hilarious. I was the fucking man, everybody was laughing at my jokes and generally thought I was cool. It was the first time in my life that I really fit in, and I thank marijuana. I was hooked.

So pretty soon, because we’re being loud and probably belligerent, the police come over and the girl and all the Juggalos run for their lives. Course I’m too stoned for that, so the police come over to me and ask if I knew those kids. I said no way (mama ain’t raise no snitch) and they told me to get better friends and go back inside, so I did go back inside.

After that, the Juggalos respected me for life. Nothing went anywhere with that girl, but I always had some homies 2 smoke with.

I was driving home one night around 2am, I had just picked up an ounce and it was sitting in my trunk. I was about three blocks from home when I saw the flashing lights and was pulled over. I’m not proud to admit, and I’ve made it a point not to do it anymore, but I was extremely fucking baked at the time.

So the cop walks up to me and asks if I know why he pulled me over. I was sweating fucking bullets, but I just kept a real calm demeanor, “No, officer, unfortunately I am unaware of my infraction.” Well as it turns out, I had a light out on my back left. I showed him the replacement bulbs I bought that day (two weeks ago in actuality) and told him I was planning on taking care of it the next morning.

Gave me a verbal warning and sent me on my way… probably should have gone to jail that night, but I couldn’t believe I made it through without seeming stoned as fuck.

In rural Oregon, USA, I got stopped by a cop because I “matched the description” of a violent robbery that had happened nearby – I was wearing a black hoodie 🙄 – I had a bag of weed in my pocket, the cop said he was going to search me for weapons, patted me down and even squeezed the pocket with the weed in it, but didn’t he didn’t notice it or didn’t care. A bunch of “trap” questions about the robbery and searching through my text messages to confirm my alibi until finally another cop showed up – took one look at me and said, that’s not him.

In Vancouver BC, Canada, my friends and I were hanging out outside a bar. My friend had just been given a joint and was keeping it behind his ear. Cops rolled up and started talking to us, one noticed the joint and plucked it out from behind my friend’s ear. The cop got a little smirk on his face and broke the joint in half, smelled it, then put it in his pocket and they left.

I used to be in a band. I didn’t partake at the time but the lead vocalist did.

We were gearing up for a show in Birmingham Alabama and he was standing out by the dumpster toking up to calm his pre-show jitters.

So, he’s halfway through a bowl when the friendly neighborhood police officer walks around behind him and taps him on the shoulder.

I was fairly distant but I could hear what the officer said.

He said, you playing here tonight?

My friend said yes sir

The officer said, do you still want to be playing here tonight?

My friend said yes sir

The officer said throw that shit in the trash.

My friend Chucked it immediately.

Officer said have a good day and walked on.

So yeah, pre-show jitters were absolutely not calmed. We bombed that day not that we were very good to begin with but we were especially bad that night, and then after the show was over we went out to the dumpster and crawled in and found the weed and the bowl and rescued it.

By some miracle no trash had been thrown on top of it so of course first going to the place we were staying he smoked the rest.

Still not legal where I am and not even close but I have had 2 seriously close calls.

First was getting pulled into customs at an international border with multiple ounces hidden in the headlining of the car. They bought out the dog that was going through all the luggage in the back of the car whilst I stood and hoped that my packaging technique was going to be sufficient to cover up the smell of Amsterdam’s finest. Some how it did and driving out of that customs garage was one of the most ecstatic feelings ever!

Second was getting pulled over whilst having multiple ounces split into Henry’s and a large wedge of cash in smaller denominations all stashed in my dashboard behind the stereo and a pryable panel. You can probably guess what I was up to, thankfully the guy just wanted to chastise me for driving too fast and didn’t even entertain the idea of searching the car. Only break one law at a time guys xD

Once I was watching three teens from a hostel balcony, about to spark up. On the ledge just above, were three cops watching them. I should have shouted something to warn them or distract the cops, but it all happened too fast. The moment a flame hit that J they got busted. I think they got off with a warning though.

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From your western neighbor, welcome to the club!

No stories though, decriminalization does get rid of the sense of danger.

I got pulled over in Germany with weed from Amsterdam in the car (I’m an American, visiting my friend). I’m leaving the country the next day, I show them my plane ticket, so instead of giving me a ticket, they have us follow them to an ATM instead and give them 200€. They take my weed, my brand new bubbler, and most of my remaining money. All I was left with was this story.

Another time, was camping with friends for a week. We have an ounce with us, at the time a big problem if we got caught. We’re on day 1 of 7, sitting on the tailgate of my car, smoking a one hitter and eating PBJs. Cop wheels around the corner, catches us. Started searching my car, I have no fuckin clue where my buddy stashed the bag. I’m sweating bullets. Cop tears the car apart looking for what he knows must be there, but finds nothing. Eventually leaves us with a minor ticket and takes our grinder and our piece. Immediately after he leaves I turn to my friend “where the fuck is the weed!?!” He’s laughing hysterically, lifts up the loaf of bread that was sitting right next to us on the tailgate the entire time, it’s just chilling there in plain sight.

Oh where should I start? Let’s say my closest brushes with the law were some proper washings. The law is crazy here sometimes.