Because I don’t, and pretending to feels dishonest. I’ll listen if they want to talk about it, but I’m not going to act interested, and I certainly won’t ask about it on my own. What I’m trying to figure out is whether people actually care, or if they’re just playing a social game that I’m simply not interested in.
I’m probably on the autistic spectrum, which likely explains this to some extent. But that’s not an excuse - being an asshole is perfectly compatible with autism, so before dunking on me, please realise I probably agree with your criticism.
So I’m in my mid-50s, and I’ve honestly only come up with genuine lasting interest in my friends’ lives in the last few years.
I noticed that I’d get together with friends and they’d say “hey, how did your kid’s sportsball tournament go back in July?” What struck me about it is that they cared enough to actually hear what I said, and remember it - not because they have a deep abiding interest in my kid’s life, but because they cared about me and the things that were important to me.
And I wasn’t repaying the care.
So I’ve tried to change. When people tell me stuff about their kids or vacation, I make a concerted effort to remember it and remember the significance of it, because the fact that it’s important to the people I care about means that to some degree, I care about it as well.