For me it’s a mix of different factors. Is there a place where I am better equipped to fight for what I believe in? Where I can be more effective in creating the world I want to live in? Maybe even a place from which I can more actively advocate and fight for the future I want for the place I just left?

I come from a family of refugees, immigrants and political prisoners. My dad fled his country with his family in the 70s, my mum’s parents did the same in the 50s. Others didn’t leave their homes, some survived, others did not. Every single one of my 19 cousins can call at least two countries their home.

I just left the US 5 weeks ago. I was a trans immigrant with a disabled, trans wife and an EU passport. Yes, part of me wants to fight the continuous fascist power grab happening right now in the US, which has become my home, but I’d be in a very precarious situation where just keeping myself safe enough to fight another day would occupy a lot of my capacities. Getting myself arrested and (best case) deported, wouldn’t really be helpful. Returning to my country of origin allows me to fight the same trends and politics from a significantly more secure position. It allows me to financially support US organizations I believe in, in ways I couldn’t while living there myself. And it’s not like the same people aren’t trying to achieve the same goals with varying success all across Europe.

But when we moved back here, I also decided that this would be it. This is where I am taking my stand and where I will fight for my future with all means necessary. Be that against internal threats or external ones. Not because this place or it’s people is somehow more important to me based on the coincidence of my birth, but because there is no place where I personally have more resources, better support and a stronger starting position. Moving somewhere else to avoid the conflict would leave me with fewer resources and less ability to stand up for my beliefs.

I don’t think there is anything cowardly about fleeing your country when you’re not safe there. Being an immigrant, let alone a refugee is really fucking hard sometimes. Leaving your home and everything and everyone you’ve ever known behind, especially if you do so without knowing if you’ll ever be able to return, can be incredibly traumatic. Starting over in a new place, even under the best circumstances, is scary, exhausting and often deeply isolating. We all have different priorities, strengths, weaknesses, needs and capacities and only you can decide based on those, what the right move is for you. Don’t let someone who hasn’t risked their life while staying tell you you are a coward for leaving or someone who hasn’t ever left their home tell you you’re stupid for staying.