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Joined 3 years ago
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Cake day: July 12th, 2023

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  • Your mom said the doctor told her the ultrasound showed “two babies” but I had an ultrasound at 5 weeks and they looked at the tiny embryonic speck and said, “there’s the baby!” In fact no babies are shown in ultrasounds, only fetuses. But my point was, they may have seen one 7-month fetus and one little shriveled thing and said “there’s two babies.”

    I guess it’s also possible she brought two babies to term, made a “Sophie’s Choice” to give one up for adoption, and didn’t want you to be heartbroken or afraid of being given away too. And since other people had heard about her being pregnant with twins, she gave you a story you could accept as a child.

    And another possibility is that the doctor gave her anesthesia or rohypnol or something and took the twin to put up for adoption, telling her it was absorbed. She’d know she had given birth but not remember it was twice. It’s terrible but not unheard of.

    You could ask her, if you feel you’re both adult enough now to handle the emotional implications of all the possible explanations. Remember that you can still trust her love no matter what, but she might not know the whole truth and/or might be ashamed to admit it.


  • I’m not going to send you my personal info, but it’s no secret that anyone with US health first gets a bill with a huge number $$ that’s marked THIS IS NOT A BILL, then some weeks later we get another one from the insurance company which shows that number, and then a much smaller number “allowed” by the insurance which then shows as paid by them, then whatever “copay” we might have, usually about $30 with my insurance. Then there’s “your responsibility” which is just the copay if the doctor/hospital is in your insurance network. In that situation the provider has to accept what the insurance allows and no more. If they’re out of network, you may have to pay the difference between the original bill and what the insurance paid. Which can be a lot, so the first thing you should do is request an itemized bill. This will often be lower to start with, and gives you information to negotiate/contest items. Hospitals will also work with you to make a payment plan at that point.

    In the OP case it was Swiss travel insurance not US health insurance and they finally agreed to pay the NICU bill, good work by the couple’s lawyer.