Thank you for explanation :) I suspected something like that - mess up with some internals, you do have a chance to bring the thing down. Which is why I always have a bootable usb around before doing anything risky

Uhm, zero? With ten years of using Linux? What did you do to fuck up the damn kernel? o_O

Around ten years ago, Ubuntu, my first time using Linux. Press Ctrl+Alt+Fsomething, drop to bash, run vlc videofile (Mylene Farmer Ennamoramento clip) - and the damn thing works! It plays video with ASCII graphics out of the box!

Stayed with Linux ever since, I just love that this is something I can actually learn and tinker with

Not to argue, just a bit of self-humour:

And I am doomed because I enjoy it. To hell with all the GUI open-settings-then-a-tab-in-it-and-down-to-rabbit-hole-of-tabs-and-setting-sub-windows, just give me plain damn config file. Also, praise be to people who write where the program looks for config files and what can supercede what in man entries

Edit: most important part. Yes, there is a way. I am in no position to claim to know what is going to help you, but I do know this: there is another way to live. Following is what I have tried and it worked

Been around there, it really is not a good place. Time to look inside. You only have so much time left to live, and only so much energy to do things. As to what can be done, then if possible, take a good break: quit job, buy food, then just stay home. No books, no TV, no speaking to anyone, no internet, no games, no nothing. Your mind will go wild for some time, but then you will recover and see life with more clarity

And for the big picture - look inside. If you were to die today, what would you do? Whom would you speak to one last time? Where would you go if distance was not an issue? What do you want to be done with your dead body? (If the answer is “nothing, I don’t care”, I would strongly suggest go see a doctor. Depression does not just go away)

Also, remember this every day: tomorrow morning, you may not wake up. Today you woke up, but a day will come when you don’t. Remind this to yourself. Slowly this will change your perspective

If you happen to feel like talking - message or ping me, I will answer as fast as I can