Same, I hate muscles and fat on guys. Although that’s difficult to admit openly since a guy saying he is into heroine chic would be a social outcast, so why should it be acceptable if a woman says so. I like skinny guys and my husband is skinny af. I am by no means unattractive either.

My question to OP is - you seem to get rejected because of your looks, yet these beautiful women (by your standards) went out with you in the first place if I read that correctly. So there must have been some attraction in the beginning. At the very least they talked to you. But something along the line happened that made them not want to commit to you.

In general, we find people attractive because we like them. We don’t like them because we find them attractive.

It can very well happen that when you meet someone in your everyday life and get to know them and then happen to fall in love, they absolutely don’t fall into your “scheme” or “type”.

Also, everything seems to have to be a gift now. Can’t just buy a thing and give it to them. It has to wait to be a present. Or maybe that’s just my wife.

We specifically don’t wait for holidays to give things we want to gift to our daughter (soon to be 3). On her birthday in two weeks she will get a book, a plush animal, and a second hand peppa pig puzzle (I hate peppa pig but she loves it and she doesn’t even know there is a show). That’s it, but she gets many things throughout the year. My husband hates holidays and celebrations, I think that’s where this feeling of “let’s please not make a huge stock of presents to give her twice a year” came from. And it is so much less pressure to find “the perfect gift”.

And you can get rid of things much more easily. I don’t know about you, but if I got a bad birthday present, I tend to keep it, because it was a birthday present. Same for children’s stuff. She got that for her first birthday feels different than she got that when she was around 14 months. Somehow it’s less sentimental, and I am an awfully sentimental and nostalgic person, so this saves my ass.

Another point is that can change interests so quickly. I would not dare to buy her something peppa pig themed right now for Christmas or plan ahead for her 4th birthday. Or let’s say she needs a new bike - why would I wait until the end of summer to give it to her just because it’s her birthday.

But talk to me again on September 9th, I usually get very sad that we don’t celebrate with a crap ton of presents and decorations and a big party right before her birthday.

I used to get ukrainian emails every now and then. And then once I got a “confirm your signature to the petition” email and I checked. It was a petition to allow men to leave the country. A girl with my name signed it (wanted to sign it), and she stated wanting to leave with her 58 year old dad as the reason.

I ended up signing the petition myself, stating I wanted XY to leave with her dad as the reason.

I still wish there was a way to get in touch with her. I guess it was the same person who every now and then signed up for newsletters etc. I hope they found a way to leave. I wish there was a way I could help her directly. I keep imagining it was me and my dad stuck in a war torn country. My father has a super popular first name so the chances aren’t even that low that our dads share the same name too.

Serious question: How does a trial separation work with a child? I remember having a divorce scare when I was little and it still haunts me. I can’t imagine telling my kid “well we are separated now because we want to try out how it would be if we divorced” and letting it live through that limbo of uncertainty. Even if we get back together - that will they won’t they seems to be too much to bear for a child. We are always told to be clear and consistent with our kids and this is definitely the opposite of it.

Same. My partner needs his quiet time and alone time and just a spouse and child (I am the primary caregiver) is so overwhelming. I never expected to become the parent of an only child, I felt like just me and my sister was so little when I was growing up. But now this is what I am stuck with. Just one child and a spouse I hardly interact with because it’s too much and meditation and peace and quiet is making them more happy than time spent together.

Penne al aspirine

Wait so you had to eat pasta to ease the pain or did he also recommend some pain relief medicine?

Ok as someone not from the states, wtf are boneless chicken wings?

I did in another comment above!

Ideologically, I can follow your argument. I just don’t think this fits with the AA philosophy. But that being said, AA is not the one and only or the gold standard for self help groups. It’s not a one size fits all. For me, AA is almost too religious and also didn’t fit into my life back then.

In my early 20s I actually went to AA meetings over the course of probably a year. I kept it very secret, as I did with my very problematic consumption.

It was a group of probably 15-20 people, most aged 40-70. I was by far the youngest there. And let me tell you they would not have appreciated someone coming in who is under any kind of influence, including marijuana (even if it had been legal back then). Some people smoked cigarettes but even that was kind of frowned upon. At some point I mentioned that I have been getting into non-alcoholic beer, and even this was controversial, because I allegedly was masking the behavior and a slip back to alcoholic beer is easy. With that same logic, any kind of coping by using alternative drugs is just redirecting your addiction. In the group there was a strong belief that you are an addict for life and that you have an addictive personality type. And at least to me it’s kind of true. As a side note: Nowadays I am drinking sugary lemonade as a treat (something I would have never done in my 20s) and a fuckton of specialty coffee. For me, this is ok, and it works. But I understand if in their philosophy this is not a good way to go about your problems.

Anyway, at another point someone else asked about benzodiazepines to ease the first transition. This has also been controversial, and while you can get this prescribed when you are becoming sober, everyone recommended not to do it. There seemed to be a strong belief that the best (or only) way to go about your addiction is to rawdog sobriety - don’t mask, don’t cope, face your feelings and pains and reasons for your consuption. Only then can you move on, forgive yourself, ask others for forgiveness, and all of these famous steps.

There is also a clear rule that you come sober. Although this is specifically in regards to alcohol, I am really sure any other mind altering substance that numbs or excites you would have led to you being excluded from this week’s session.

Now, this is my experience with one group outside of the US. Also, I was a very shitty member and should not have been there to begin with. I made a joke, a competition out of it, I’m not even sure why I kept going there. I went there drunk, but no one ever suspected anything. The paramedics hardly suspected anything when I had 3.5%o blood alcohol, they assumed I had a slight migraine. I went to AA with literal booze in my handbag just for the thrill. I did so in university and relationships and with my family, and I was always so successful, I think I just wanted to see how far I can push my behavior before someone notices, before someone stops me, before I fuck up.

I stopped going to AA because I went abroad, but it was just a great excuse to stop going. The truth is I wasn’t ready to stop drinking quite yet. Committing to never having alcohol again when you are missing the one thing in life that you have actually wanted and you’re just 22 is just really hard.

Tl;dr: I would not recommend marijuana use in AA groups, to be honest neither during/before, nor in between meetings. It might not be the community you are looking for if you want to cope with your addiction by using an alternative drug. Whether or not it is a smart or sensible thing to do might be up for debate, but from my very limited experience with AA this would neither be ok for the group, nor go with their philosophy.

You’ve never been to an AA meeting, have you?

Thanks, that was exactly what Shower Me needed to hear

Yeah my question is just whether it would even work as an insulation or whether it would make the house hotter, or something like that. I’m very sure there are better and more practical techniques to cooling houses. It’s definitely not geoengineering as, well, there is no geo part in this, it was just the best term to describe what technology/aerosol I was asking about.

So essentially while trying to build an anti-green house I ended up building a normal green house. But that’s actually exactly the answer I was looking for, thank you a lot! It was not so much about the practicality or whether there are better solutions but about whether I am missing something. (My other guess was that this light reflection would only work in the stratosphere to begin with.)

I’m a millennial living in a rented apartment so I cannot/could not implement anything. But we do indeed have trees in front of our windows, we have heat exchangers in two out of three rooms, PV on the rooftop and the house (built in 1900) is painted white (apart from the roof). Needless to say AC isn’t a thing in my country. Currently we have slightly under 26°C in our apartment. And my parents have a (very white) house with what you call a living roof, that’s a great name for that which I wasn’t familiar with before. Again, thanks!

I speak perfect German, in fact my German is better than my Russian (which my parents taught me). I cannot say one word or read a sentence in German to my parents without the heaviest Russian accent. It’s insanely hard to turn off and I have to concentrate on every word if I want to pronounce it normally. But the default is the most heavy and cliched Russian accent.

I checked the website out yesterday. You can either have the fallout shown or not. It also depends on whether you choose to detonate in the air or on the surface. But if you choose the option with the fallout, boy,… honestly maybe don’t because it was legit more depressing and scary than what you see in the screenshot above.

Thank you for the clip! I once found the show on youtube by accident, it is such a gem. It all started with the cabbage feud. (But I have come to notice that James Acaster only tells true stories, alas.)

I absolutely don’t get the point system though but nevermind.

Friendly reminder that C cup has no meaning without a band size.

No it was Japan. (I’m from Germany.)

I was 17 and it was before smartphones and I somehow imagined people in Tokyo and Kyoto would know English but they didn’t. And then I tried to explain what I wanted or where I wanted to go with gestures and they tried to explain back with gestures but it was a catastrophe. None of us understood each other.

I am so sorry because at some point a cook in a soba restaurant kept asking me “Soba?” and I didn’t know what soba was and it was day 10 out of 14 and I was at my nerve’s end so I yelled back in German “I don’t know what you want I don’t know what your soba is just give me that soup that I am pointing at!”

It’s been 15 years and this still keeps me up at night 😭 I’'m so sorry soba guy. Yelling at you legit is in the top 5 things I would do differently if I could relive my life.

(I was also still processing my first break up and it was hot af and my boobs had grown humongous which earned me a lot of stares abroad and all of this added to me feeling lost and frustrated.)

do not expect anybody to speak english

Can I add: also don’t expect that your body language and gestures are going to be the same. Had to learn this the hard way