Must christians I know hoard money like that dragon from The Hobbit.

Fuck! Is ticketmaster selling plane tickets now??

Have you tried Firefokth?

We’re sorry, but we no longer need you… or want you, or even care about you. Machines can do a better job than you, and this is what you get for asking questions. The humans agree sacrifices must be made, computers never go on strike. To save The Working Man you have to put him out to pasture…

Modern churches have nothing to do with Jesus.

I’m a software tester. I break everything I use whether I’m trying or not.

McGruff proving, once again, that all cops are bastards.

I used to mow lawns growing up. Would listen to headphones to drown out the mower. 30 years later I essentially hear this 24/7: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=D96_1AsUajA My wife (and everyone else who knows me) knows my general hearing is bad, but not horribly so, and much worse in noisy situations. There are times when I don’t hear that tone as much, but it’s there every morning when I wake up and it’s quiet.

Also, at max volume, I had to hold the phone speaker on my ear to make sure that video was even making a noise.

Frequencies above 6k-7k have disappeared/are always there.

Do yourself a favor and take advantage of noise-canceling headphones so you can keep the volume down.

By “eliminate poverty” he means killing all the poor people with his robot army.

Everything a cop or judge does should be on camera.

What a great reminder that the current administration is full of pedophiles covering for other pedophiles.

“That could mean biological needs like food or sleep, social needs like work or seeing friends and family, or self-improvement like exercise or pursuing hobbies…”

Work has done all of this to me on repeated occasions, but I wouldn’t say I’m addicted to work.

Though… I suppose I am addicted to the resulting paycheck.

Clothing is a courtesy I wear for others.

Is there EVER a time when Republicans AREN’T thinking about the dicks of children??

Had to check and see if this was TheOnion.

Given the current trajectory, this sounds like a legal loophole put in for future slave ships. Modern republicans think the only reason slavery is bad is because it’s illegal.

If it smells fishy, it’s a queef not a fart.

Mushrooms grow in shit. How sterile do you want it?

I mean, I’d get a bag of the same stuff you’d get for a vegetable garden. Also, be choosey with any fertilizer. You don’t want to be adding chemicals to something you’re gonna ingest.

I’m betting you can find some good books on gardening and mushroom farming at the local library (if those exist where you are). You’re gonna get a MUCH better result in anything you do if you learn about it instead of just winging it.

Crumble ‘em up, put’ em in some shitty soil (good dirt with poop nutrients), keep 'em moist and in the dark.

They’re mushrooms. Don’t really need much to grow. I imagine growing them would be similar to growing any mushroom.

The smell is gonna give you away. You’d be better off growing mushrooms.

Thought it was gonna be about when phone dictation bleeds into the real world.