Hey all. Getting right to it:
Last November, a majority of my wife’s family voted trump. I immediately made known my disgust and that I had no interest in maintaining relationships with any of them. My wife is equally appalled, but family is important to her and she chooses to compartmentalise it for the sake of their relationships. That’s her call. Typically, her mother comes to stay at our house for an extended period as we live far away, and this year I tolerated her being here for the sake of my wife.
But now, thinking about the next visit and how bad things have gotten, I can’t even stand the thought of having her in my house, let alone being in the same room as her. I really don’t want her here at all, but I will again tolerate her for my wife’s sake. However I think it’s likely that I will make myself pretty scarce during that time.
So the ethics question is - given that I expressed my distaste after the election but still remained cordial, is it ok, ethically speaking, to become more resentful as the consequences of their actions become more apparent? Or, given that what has happened since is pretty much out of everyone’s hands, am I locked in to the level of hostility I showed immediately after?
I guess the distilled version is - a person does X, I express disapproval. Is it ethical to express MORE disapproval as additional unforeseen consequences of X become apparent?
Thanks for your thoughts!
Edit to Clarify - My mother in law is not MAGA and I don’t think she’s enjoying any of it. She thinks we can “just not talk about it” and everything will be fine. However she has become more racist and judgemental (anti-trans etc) in recent years. Hates Joe Biden and Kamal Harris but can’t or won’t say why. Thanks for the responses so far and I’ll try to respond, but I’m about to start work shortly.
Resentment is usually a feeling which has little to do with ethics.
Actions are more easily analyzed for ethical value.
I guess that you’re considering the action of showing resentment by being absent or cold to them.
From a utilitarian perspective this could serve the purpose of communicating your resentment indirectly which may increase the overall good by preventing this scizsm from infiltrating other parts of your life and others. On the other hand this outcome is not guaranteed.
If you apply value ethics of your actions it really depends on what ideals you hold yourself to.
If you take a completely honest person as your ideal, direct communication is probably more ethical than indirect communication, but indirect communication would still be superior to deceiving them into thinking you agree with them in any way.
Instead, you may idealize an honest pacifist who would value indirect communication higher than direct if direct would also come with conflict.
These are my thoughts, I am by no means an expert in ethics.
This is the approach I’m going with, though I’d classify it more as isolation than indirect communication. Earlier this year I told the mother in law that her proud maga children are no longer welcome in my home and that turned into a bad night for everyone. After that night I decided I’d just keep myself away from her as much as possible.
I’m glad you took a stand. Surgery is “bad”, but it’s a lot better than just pretending the problem doesn’t exist.