Unfortunately, I struggle a lot with getting things done. Even just eating three meals a day and exercising. Apparently it’s AuDHD but who knows. The psychiatrist is too expensive so I will be waiting until I get time off uni to work more and save up.

It is time to believe in myself a bit more. I was considering starting guitar from scratch because I have an all-or-nothing mindset and my teacher gave me this great idea of doing “practise sprints”, short, timed bursts of practise. So now I am also doing tidy sprints, and uni work sprints. I haven’t picked up the guitar this week because I’m too scared 👀 but I have done more piano than I did last week. I think that counts for something.

I keep telling myself that I can’t do uni or teaching because I am incapable and it’s not for me. I see my classmates doing really well and think that because I get overwhelmed so easily and have less life experience, I will fail. Again, that is very all-or-nothing. I haven’t given anything a good go in my life, always quitting before persisting. I guess I’ll do an experiment on myself and see if I feel better about things when I give them a good go, or if I actually don’t want my life to head in this direction.

All I know is that I am sick of not achieving things and I need a sense of mastery in my life.