“How are you ever gonna keep a job if you can’t keep juice in a cup?!”

I was 9 years old

From my grandma (who got it from her father):

“Of course the story is true, it just didn’t happen”

Essentially, the story is more important than the actual event.

When my grandmother met my now wife, who is from Alabama, my grandmother told her “well, we all have to be from somewhere”

It’s not so much a catch phrase, but words that I will always remember.

My grandmother was a WWII vet who came home and vowed to be a pacifist. She raised 7 kids before going back to school. She was at Kent State in 1970, working on her masters degree. She happened to be on the commons when bullets started flying.

She died ~2002. When we were cleaning out her belongings we came across a brown stained handkerchief in a plastic bag along with some news clippings. The clippings were her letter to the editor of the Akron Beacon Journal describing her experience on May 4th. The hanky had a little handwritten note that said “this is the blood of Allison Krause. Shed for many. May 4th, 1970”.

My grandmother was an amazing woman who did so many great things after the war. You could easily write a movie about her accomplishments. But out of everything she did, the words on that little note made the biggest impact on who I would grow to be.

Here’s a little write up about the hankerchief/clippings.

“Better an empty house, than a bad tenant” after every loud fart.

“You don’t have to shovel rain.” - My grandfather when asked why he moved the family from Wisconsin to Oregon.

All my grandparents passed when I was young and I didn’t know them well. However, my uncle quotes his father quite a bit. General advice “Never do anything you wouldn’t want to read about in the paper.” Whenever he offers you something, or is jokingly telling you why you shouldn’t do something “It will make your babies come out naked and screaming” Also my mom’s side of the family has a common last name and my grandfather stated that if we met another person that shared our last name that we could accept them as family if they were “reasonably dressed, moderately sober, and not asking for money”

Everytime my Nana would send an email or leave a voicemail, she would sign off “Ciao for now!”

My grandmother would describe the phenomenon of raining while the sun is shining as The Devil beating his wife.

My grandmother used to say: if you expect your good deed to be reciprocated, you’re not actually doing a good deed.

She said it in dutch, so I hope it’s an decent translation.

The same one I’m still using today: “Kill all Nazis.”

Whenever my Grandfather, a WWII combat veteran, saw something he didn’t approve of: “The things you see when they don’t let you carry a gun any more…”.

My other Grandfather didn’t really have any funny phrases, but my Nana when she didn’t approve of something would just use the “Well, that’s a how modern people do things I suppose”. It was really the only complaint she’d make, the only time I ever saw her lose her temper with someone was the day I got into a traffic accident and she had to be physically restrained from going after the driver for hurting her grandchild hahaha (I was the passenger).

My grandma, having to call for help but doesn’t know who of the many kids are around: hey, hey human who was named

Translation takes away from it.

When my 89 yo grandma accidentally farts she says “oops I stepped on a duck.”

Don’t pass up the opportunity to have sex or take a shit: you’ll always regret it.