Context: A young adult tells his mother that he’s depressed and that life is meaningless and that he wants to die (suicide is not directly mentioned but implied). Then the mother proceeds to express “regretting giving birth to you” directly to that young adult.
(That young adult is me)
That’s pretty fucked up. She needs therapy and so do you.
My mom said it to me frequently before I cut her out, which is a pretty good indication it’s not normal. A therapist would tell you that’s a reflection of her issues; if she had a different kid instead of you she would have said the same thing to them. You, as a person, don’t really factor into why she feels that way.
As for your feelings, let me know what you come up with. I’m in the same boat emotionally and I don’t see a way out either.
No. That’s fucked up.
Sounds like depression runs in your family.
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
I don’t know how your mom is, but I found this funny recently, maybe you’ll too:
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
I was trying to think of a way to put it, but that’s a good sentence in this context for sure.
Also, yes, blood relation does not mean you have to put up with some asshole’s cruelty. Cut them out if you can.
I was just consuming some media and that line of “regretting giving birth” came up and I was just like: I hope that’s not that common.
Not normal, just uhhh… maybe common.
Either you don’t know what normal is or common is if you think they’re different things…
Cancer is not normal cell tissue, but it’s very common. They are different words, with different meanings.
I’m so glad you chimed in. Everyone loves someone who starts a silly, pedantic argument for no good reason. That’s even more true on a thread where someone wants a serious response.
Maybe. The way I understand it:
Normal is something that’s basically the way it should be, while common just refers to being of higher frequency of occurence, regularly seen.
For example: “Is police brutality normal?” vs “Is police brutality common?”
No and yes.Normal is something that’s basically the way it should be,
That is incorrect
First definition from your link:
conforming to a type, standard, or regular pattern characterized by that which is considered usual, typical, or routine
I’m guessing the other person meant “the way it should be” not in a normative way but as in “the way you’d expect it to be since that’s the usual way”. That’s in line with the definition. Bottom line is both have several definitions but “normal” definitely has a very different connotation from “common”.
I’m guessing the other person meant “the way it should be”
That’s a pretty safe guess considering they explicitly said that…
But I don’t think I’m going to make much ground explaining to you why they’re wrong either
You misunderstood that sentence but I’m fine with leaving it be too.
I think you need to go to a therapist
I wouldn’t be shocked your mother is processing shame/guilt in this comment she made.
I’ve always tried to remain curious and open minded in my life. Do you know what I didn’t expect coming into motherhood? Needing to learn how to segregate my sense of self from my kid’s.
It was instinctual to feel my child’s embarrassment/guilt/pain as my own, or as a reflection apon me. While some actions kids make are a reflection of parenting, some are not. It’s hard to distinguish in the early years, I imagine it carried through the life stages if not adressed. Basically it’s learning to see a literal dna extension of yourself as their own being. Your mom caught some adrenaline from hearing you’re feeling depressed or she wouldn’t have said something so emotional and targeted.
I bet she’s overwhelmed and clearly doesn’t have the coping. Don’t take it personally, like, don’t internalize that shit. She too, her own person, and you didn’t ask for this. Feel free to keep your distance from her for a time. If you feel comfortable when you’re both in better headspace, tell her what she said hurt your feelings.
If she responds poorly, well mom’s a shit head and now you know it. If she responds kindly and apologizes, you’ve ground to work with.
I haven’t talked to my mom in 15 years, she responded poorly.
I hope you feel better, I’m glad you’re here today. Take care
That is something my mother said to me a lot. Along with, “I brought you into this world, and I can take you out of it”. It’s fucked up, because it’s not like anyone chooses to be born. These are not normal things for a parent to say by any means. It’s emotional abuse.
You deserve better than that! It’s not easy cutting ties with family, but life is a lot easier when you’re not dealing with such a toxic, resentful human in your life.
Mate, you will be loved, life does get better, give it a chance. Your mother is probaly a reason you feel depressed i would say if that is her worldview. Find someone you can talk to that isnt a fucking narcissist. Please talk to someone though, hotline, someone.
hotline
um… about that
I’m kinda living through a fascist takeover in my country (USA) so probably a terrible option considering… https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Political_abuse_of_psychiatry
So yea thing are going very great here, spectacular even…
Basially its just Youtube Videos and pirsted TV and Movies keeping my brain alive. I have literally zero actual social connections besides having a cat to pet, which doesn’t really help much (cat is lovely, just not helping too much with the depression).
I’m basically just having coffee as a sort of anti depressant for now. Actual meds from any non-emergency sources (because the emergency ER method is a bad idea as I’ve said) takes a while because appointments takes like 6 months like wtf?!?
Why no social connections? Best thing to do is to externally connect and have things outside the confines of your current unhappiness.
I don’t know your insurance, location, or financial situation, so the following might be totally irrelevant.
If you have a primary care doctor/physician, they should be able to get you antidepressants. You don’t need a specialist. You might even be able to have a telehealth visit, instead of going in-person.
I hope things smooth out for you. BTW, my therapist says carbs are good for short-term stress. Ice cream and chocolates help.
Also, maybe look into if your local library has any meetups? Mine does a regular knitting/crochet circle (if you just show up, you’ll probably find friendly folks happy to teach you to make a dish cloth), book club, grown-up crafts a couple times a month. Might be good to get out of the house and meet some friendly faces.
What is the concern about hotlines? Are you worried people may be recording and using that against you somehow? What you linked to doesn’t really mention hotlines.
The current US right-wing rhetoric is that (btw their words, not mine): “Immigrants are (a) violent dangerous criminals, or (b) drug addicts, or ( c ) welfare queens, or (d) mentally ill”
That sort of rhetoric, combined with the fact that hotlines are not anonymous; This is just asking for trouble.
I doubt even my (naturalized) citizenship would shield me from being persecuted by this fascist traitor in the white house.
Yes in a stressfull enough setting in a person suffering from mental health challenges themselves. Which is almost everyone at some point in their lives. It is its own call for help. Adults can be depressed and find life devoid of meaning or the meaning they cling to is failing them.
No but it explains why said young adult is going through it
Hey, what’s up. Are you (or anyone in thes thread) feeling suicidal?
Talking openly helps to deal and cope with the feelings. But some people feel shame of mentioning these topics. You can find out if there’s a help line local to you and call. You’re reaching out, which is good. Find someone who is open to talk and unload that burden. Trust is hard to earn but it goes a long way to talk about feelings, even if they’re uncomfortable.
It sounds like your mom did you wrong. You can’t change that. You CAN change what you do now.
Look, I’ve known more than a couple people who heard the same and worse from their mothers. One girl knew their dad had been abusive and their mom had to step in and take punches to keep the then-toddler girl from getting hit. A guy who’s dad ran off had a young mom who really never meant to be a mom, was bad at it, and couldn’t afford to feed her kids. I don’t know the full stories for all my acquaintances, but those are two who both heard their moms say things like, “I wish you were never born.” and “You ruined my life.”
It sucks to hear that, but moms are not perfect, have their own stresses to deal with, and sometimes too much heart break can get a person to say things they should not.
Maybe life IS meaningless, but there’s a bunch of us fuckers stuck here who are all struggling to make a go of it despite the circumstances, and while we can acknowledge that everything sucks, you probably don’t know we think that because we’re not in the worst of depression at the moment and try to fill the emptiness with small pleasantries rather than slip back into the well of sorrow, saying a mindless patter of things like, “It’s a beautiful day” or “We needed the rain”, or “Great game last night.”
You are not alone. You can get through this. Be kind to yourself. Be kind to others. Try to do something – anything – for yourself, or for someone else, or for everyone.
Ouch, sounds like she never got over a postpartum depression.
She can’t help you mate. I don’t know whether she wishes she hadn’t had you because she regrets inflicting the pain of existence on you or she’s just a dickhead but she can’t help you.
Each one needs a big bucket full of ice cubes on their heads.
