Spoke to the p’s on their Japan boat last night. Bit of a worry.
Turns out ol’ girl hasn’t been having supplements (she has all of them with her) and hasn’t had that much to eat for the first 7days. I told ol’ boy before they left he’s going to have to lean into the food sitch… and he hasn’t.
So that’s 13 days after not being to eat much due to teeth extraction before going + now 7 on the boat. FUCK ME.
If I did 20 days of eating bugger all I’d be ruined.
He honestly thought he could delegate food to the boat and leave the supplements to her. FUCKED.
Her last words on the call “I just can’t eat I don’t know what to do”. I will never forget that tone. She didn’t speak anything else about the trip.
I feel worried, frustrated, angry and just sad.
And they’ve got 10 days left not even half way through
Fuck
Sent off a detailed email to him about what he needs to do food/supplement-wise but I’m half a world away.
If he can’t get on top the food/supps sort of… today… I really don’t know what will happen.
Is she unable or refusing? Have either of them spoken to ship staff about making some nice soft foods for her? You said it’s a pretty bougie ship, can she even have miso soup? This must be super stressful dude.
Both unable and refusing and I suppose they interelate. They spoke to the head chef about requirements when they boarded so I’m confused why they can’t pull anything off. So we tried miso (i thought that’s the obvious choice too) before they left from a few different places here and that was refusal but able. Tried a whole bunch of sashimi, able for some, refusal for others.
It’s a really bougie ship. 24/7 room service. So speaking to them yesterday I asked if she’d ordered an iced coffee w/ chocolate and icecream (her usual thing she does here daily) and dump some coffee resource in (which is what usually happens here too) and no, didn’t do that. Not refusal, very able, just didn’t do it. What on earth do you do about that. grr.
That would be a stress for sure. Sounds like you well informed them of all this prior to the travel. I think it comes down to their right to risk aka independence. People are allowed to make foolish decisions then experience the consequences of that. It sucks for you having to watch it, but it’s their choice.
Can’t disagree. He basically dragged her along knowing full well the difficulties w/ food, but he never took the time or interest in it. He’s done a whole lot else for her health, but some reason, and it baffles me, not food. This is on him not her.
I’ve occasionally had to point out to my elderly mother - who is pretty capable still - that she needs to advocate for herself in bad situations. Mostly it’s been younger people dragging her about with her bung hip then her complaining to me. I recommended getting in a taxi and leaving as the solution. I could see it hadn’t even occurred to her as an option.
First, there will be a doctor on board. The cabin crew/concierge can put them in touch. A feeding tube (maybe semi-permanent) is an option. Then liquid food can just go down the hatch and bypass the gag reflex and teeth problems.
Re the dad situation - he may be genuinely unaware of HOW to do the feeding stuff - it’s previously been a nurse’s job in his professional life with all the status ambiguities involved.
Imo the ship’s doctor and nursing staff are the best option rn. They’ll know what to do and probably have re-hydration supplies on hand anyway. Please tell us of any help we can give. We’re all here for you.
Maybe this will highlight to him that she needs care. Maybe it will help them think about receiving some assistance with feeding. I have my fingers crossed for her that she returns safe and well.
Also do consider the neutral Ensure powder because it doesn’t have the sweetness or the added prebiotics that could upset her stomach. Thinking of trying that myself.
I’m so sorry you’ve been pushed into a labour intensive carer role especially where they can’t or won’t comply
I also had a bit of a Google (‘brain injury refusal to eat’) and brain injuries can result in dysphagia so perhaps a speech therapist might help. Unfortunately if that’s the case it involves swallowing exercises which she won’t want to do.
Another result is not understanding their medical conditions and the consequences of not eating, which is harder.
Appetite stimulants and Risperidone could help but maybe a trip back to the docs is in order to get to the exact why of refusing food
If your mum survives the trip and survives the weeks after they need a new way to be handled
they have to be assertively told what to do and when, even supervised
they have shown they are incapable of making choices
and your mum is asking to be told, asking to be looked after,
I suggest a home visit nurse but first can you contact the ship’s doctor? I’m sure they would appreciate a head’s up rather than having to deal with a health emergency on ship
Rough situation. Did your mum say why she can’t eat the supplements? Does she not know how to prepare it, or doesn’t like flavour, or something else? She said she doesn’t know what to do. I think getting her to articulate specific reasons will help you all to find a solution. Sounds like your dad doesn’t really understand (or want to understand?) the seriousness of the issue. This must be a horrible feeling, knowing the one person that could help is not really engaged. I’m so sorry. I hope the call/email helps them.
For her it’s a fair few problems. Some of it is neurological. After her head strike 1.5yrs ago, a lot reasoning ability was lost. So asking her why she can’t is met with basically ‘i don’t want to’. Been happening ever since the strike. Point out that she needs to then the meltdowns begin. Ask why and yea, ‘stop hassling me’.
Ol’ boy does understand, but for some reason avoids any interest in food/supps. He’s had her along to see so many specialists over the last however long… I really don’t get it. Is it a ‘that’ generation thing. In his line of work all of that stuff was delegated so I’m guessing that’s a reason too. But he can’t delegate out of this one. This is awful to watch. All the dude had to do was have a mild interest in it and this wouldn’t have happened or be less severe at least.
Damn. That’s complicated. Perhaps head injury led to some eating disorder issues like ARFID? I don’t know much about it but maybe the kinds of foods that are tolerable to people with this condition might be manageable? Chicken nuggets or ice cream or white bread and butter. I don’t know. It’s not nutritionally complete but something is better than nothing. Sounds like the boat could provide options, could be chopped up to help with teeth issue, but they are having problems asking for what’s needed? Is there a way you could arrange with the boat directly to have room service delivered daily with a selection of tolerable foods? If she doesn’t eat it, you’ve done all you can.
Heaps of elements there that lineup! It’s just so complex. I feel sorry for them both really. A boat with everything you could ask for and instead of being able to just enjoy it… worrying about food and nutrition. Asked her about the view and she went straight into food :(
I’ve been looking up the boats menus but they’re sample menus. Maybe I should ask ol’ boy for a piccy of current ones and see which ones could work blended.
Rant
Bugger.
Spoke to the p’s on their Japan boat last night. Bit of a worry.
Turns out ol’ girl hasn’t been having supplements (she has all of them with her) and hasn’t had that much to eat for the first 7days. I told ol’ boy before they left he’s going to have to lean into the food sitch… and he hasn’t.
So that’s 13 days after not being to eat much due to teeth extraction before going + now 7 on the boat. FUCK ME.
If I did 20 days of eating bugger all I’d be ruined.
He honestly thought he could delegate food to the boat and leave the supplements to her. FUCKED.
Her last words on the call “I just can’t eat I don’t know what to do”. I will never forget that tone. She didn’t speak anything else about the trip.
I feel worried, frustrated, angry and just sad.
And they’ve got 10 days left not even half way through
Fuck
Sent off a detailed email to him about what he needs to do food/supplement-wise but I’m half a world away.
If he can’t get on top the food/supps sort of… today… I really don’t know what will happen.
Is she unable or refusing? Have either of them spoken to ship staff about making some nice soft foods for her? You said it’s a pretty bougie ship, can she even have miso soup? This must be super stressful dude.
Both unable and refusing and I suppose they interelate. They spoke to the head chef about requirements when they boarded so I’m confused why they can’t pull anything off. So we tried miso (i thought that’s the obvious choice too) before they left from a few different places here and that was refusal but able. Tried a whole bunch of sashimi, able for some, refusal for others.
It’s a really bougie ship. 24/7 room service. So speaking to them yesterday I asked if she’d ordered an iced coffee w/ chocolate and icecream (her usual thing she does here daily) and dump some coffee resource in (which is what usually happens here too) and no, didn’t do that. Not refusal, very able, just didn’t do it. What on earth do you do about that. grr.
I’m so sorry mate. Seriously. Farked up all ways to Sunday.
You’re doing everything you can, and more, so take some time to try to do something for the mental health.
If there’s anything we can do to help, please let us know. I may not have much but you got my listening ear and support.
Thanks dude. Means a lot :)
I guess here is the only place I can talk about this. And for that have to thank you all sincerely.
That would be a stress for sure. Sounds like you well informed them of all this prior to the travel. I think it comes down to their right to risk aka independence. People are allowed to make foolish decisions then experience the consequences of that. It sucks for you having to watch it, but it’s their choice.
Can’t disagree. He basically dragged her along knowing full well the difficulties w/ food, but he never took the time or interest in it. He’s done a whole lot else for her health, but some reason, and it baffles me, not food. This is on him not her.
I’ve occasionally had to point out to my elderly mother - who is pretty capable still - that she needs to advocate for herself in bad situations. Mostly it’s been younger people dragging her about with her bung hip then her complaining to me. I recommended getting in a taxi and leaving as the solution. I could see it hadn’t even occurred to her as an option.
First, there will be a doctor on board. The cabin crew/concierge can put them in touch. A feeding tube (maybe semi-permanent) is an option. Then liquid food can just go down the hatch and bypass the gag reflex and teeth problems.
Re the dad situation - he may be genuinely unaware of HOW to do the feeding stuff - it’s previously been a nurse’s job in his professional life with all the status ambiguities involved.
Imo the ship’s doctor and nursing staff are the best option rn. They’ll know what to do and probably have re-hydration supplies on hand anyway. Please tell us of any help we can give. We’re all here for you.
J-peg and parenteral nutrition are also options if extreme ones
Edit: of course probably not available on the cruise ship but later
Maybe this will highlight to him that she needs care. Maybe it will help them think about receiving some assistance with feeding. I have my fingers crossed for her that she returns safe and well.
More food ideas if you want them
I think I’ll definitely need them for when she’s back.
Here’s a pumpkin goat cheese and salmon soup https://www.tumblr.com/spiritsonic/797433603000827904/we-made-the-soup-tonight-and-can-confirm-its-very
Buffalo dip is a dip but could be blended and thinned as soup or served over liquidy mashed potatoes https://www.recipetineats.com/hot-buffalo-chicken-dip/ Edit: Soup version https://dashfordinner.com/buffalo-chicken-soup/
Salmon mousse is a cream cheese based spread, no idea if she’d eat it on its own but it looks calorific https://www.simplyrecipes.com/recipes/salmon_mousse/ Edit: Bought dips would work too
Also do consider the neutral Ensure powder because it doesn’t have the sweetness or the added prebiotics that could upset her stomach. Thinking of trying that myself.
I’m so sorry you’ve been pushed into a labour intensive carer role especially where they can’t or won’t comply
Thank you so much for sharing all these recipes and the ones before too. You’ve really helped out.
It was actually you who got me on to the neutral ensure a while ago! It’s been a life saver here.
No problem. https://multiculturalcaregiving.com/meals-for-elderly-with-no-teeth/
I also had a bit of a Google (‘brain injury refusal to eat’) and brain injuries can result in dysphagia so perhaps a speech therapist might help. Unfortunately if that’s the case it involves swallowing exercises which she won’t want to do.
Another result is not understanding their medical conditions and the consequences of not eating, which is harder.
Appetite stimulants and Risperidone could help but maybe a trip back to the docs is in order to get to the exact why of refusing food
If your mum survives the trip and survives the weeks after they need a new way to be handled
they have to be assertively told what to do and when, even supervised
they have shown they are incapable of making choices
and your mum is asking to be told, asking to be looked after,
I suggest a home visit nurse but first can you contact the ship’s doctor? I’m sure they would appreciate a head’s up rather than having to deal with a health emergency on ship
That sounds incredibly stressful man. I’m sorry it’s been so tough dealing with this. Hopefully your old man will be able to help ❤️
Rough situation. Did your mum say why she can’t eat the supplements? Does she not know how to prepare it, or doesn’t like flavour, or something else? She said she doesn’t know what to do. I think getting her to articulate specific reasons will help you all to find a solution. Sounds like your dad doesn’t really understand (or want to understand?) the seriousness of the issue. This must be a horrible feeling, knowing the one person that could help is not really engaged. I’m so sorry. I hope the call/email helps them.
For her it’s a fair few problems. Some of it is neurological. After her head strike 1.5yrs ago, a lot reasoning ability was lost. So asking her why she can’t is met with basically ‘i don’t want to’. Been happening ever since the strike. Point out that she needs to then the meltdowns begin. Ask why and yea, ‘stop hassling me’.
Ol’ boy does understand, but for some reason avoids any interest in food/supps. He’s had her along to see so many specialists over the last however long… I really don’t get it. Is it a ‘that’ generation thing. In his line of work all of that stuff was delegated so I’m guessing that’s a reason too. But he can’t delegate out of this one. This is awful to watch. All the dude had to do was have a mild interest in it and this wouldn’t have happened or be less severe at least.
Damn. That’s complicated. Perhaps head injury led to some eating disorder issues like ARFID? I don’t know much about it but maybe the kinds of foods that are tolerable to people with this condition might be manageable? Chicken nuggets or ice cream or white bread and butter. I don’t know. It’s not nutritionally complete but something is better than nothing. Sounds like the boat could provide options, could be chopped up to help with teeth issue, but they are having problems asking for what’s needed? Is there a way you could arrange with the boat directly to have room service delivered daily with a selection of tolerable foods? If she doesn’t eat it, you’ve done all you can.
Heaps of elements there that lineup! It’s just so complex. I feel sorry for them both really. A boat with everything you could ask for and instead of being able to just enjoy it… worrying about food and nutrition. Asked her about the view and she went straight into food :(
I’ve been looking up the boats menus but they’re sample menus. Maybe I should ask ol’ boy for a piccy of current ones and see which ones could work blended.