When I was 17 (NB) I dated “Emma” (15F). We broke up when she was 16 and I had just turned 18. She said she wasn’t a good girlfriend, but I think differently. I think I was a bad partner.
I feel a nervous, tingling sensation in my chest and stomach when I think about Emma, and sometimes my face gets hot. I wouldn’t mind kissing her and I miss our relationship a little, but it’s also okay for me to just be friends, because I don’t know if she still likes girls/non-binary people.
What should I do? Do I still like her romantically? I have a girlfriend and queerplatonic partner, but I am also polyamorous.
I would either not risk making my girlfriend especially upset and not say anything because Emma doesn’t wanna date anyone, or I’d get it off my chest.
Disclose everything to your partner and check with them.
They said that you can date whoever you want, then they should be fine with it and appreciate the transparency.
If they’re not okay with it, you can discuss it to understand each other and reach a common ground (which, if they are actually not okay with it, probably means not dating the other one, or breaking up, the other options are generally not a good idea).
Overall, just communicate, as that’s the core of a decent relationship, and do not let disagreements break this communication, and you’ll be fine.
I told them :)
Have you discussed polyamory and what it looks like for your relationship with your girlfriend and partner?
Yep, they say they’re fine with it
Date who you want as long as it’s not a creep online who wants nudes
I would add another caveat that if you’re in a committed relationship, you owe it to existing partners when starting up a new relationship to ensure that they’re comfortable with the change and feel that their relationship is honoured.
If you can’t do that it’s not actually a committed relationship, it’s solo poly. If you have absolute freedom to date anyone you want, the corrolary is your partners are left only with the choice to stay with the relationship as it is, or leave.
Ahhhh, I understand. I will definitely ask them if it’s ok with them if I end up confessing to her
Have you and your girlfriend figured out how in the loop you each want to be in each other’s meta relationships? You should feel comfortable coming to your girlfriend and admitting you have feelings for someone you’re hanging out with regularly. For your girlfriend’s part, it’s okay for them if they lean into the compersion of it and want to hear everything about you and Emma, or (if they maybe have some jealousy they might need to work through) ask you to just keep details to yourself.
As far as Emma goes, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying to someone that you’re happy with your current relationship style, but also open to being more intimate if they are. Leave it at that and assume you’re still just friends until Emma suggests otherwise.
I would think you’re new partner would be able to tell what your feels are towards your former partner. In most relationships there’s “the one that got away”, you should be able to have a conversation with your new partner about past relationships and find out what their feels are about past relationships. Then that will give you direction to either continue the conversation or leave the topic alone. The issue here is, you and what sounds like your first love are still in a non-romantic relationship that sounds like you are hoping to rekindle. This sounds toxic and you need to make a decision about what’s more important and is there really going to be an opportunity for rekindling the romantic relationship or if you’re just torturing yourself.
