YA THINK?
“Corporate bullshit is a specific style of communication that uses confusing, abstract buzzwords in a functionally misleading way,” said Littrell, a postdoctoral researcher in the College of Arts and Sciences. “Unlike technical jargon, which can sometimes make office communication a little easier, corporate bullshit confuses rather than clarifies. It may sound impressive, but it is semantically empty.”
Yeah no shit the guy who wants my team to do his job by making it sound like effective teamwork is shit. But when I call it out HR says I’m not being a team player (which is funny cause me and my team pick up a lot of slack without ever getting help in return even when it costs them effectively nothing.)
In all my years, I’ve never see the goat of any particular job or specialty give a damn how someone else is helping them. But if they aren’t completely selfish they might choose the harder method to accomplish their tasks if it means less work for their teammates, rather than insisting others do more work to make it easier for themselves.
The purpose of a system is what it does.
If an organization rewards empty bluster and ChatGPT-driven corporate drivel, then that it is because those things are the organization’s purpose.
Corporate lingo is a social filter for humanoid shitweasels to identify their peers and control eventual threats.
Nothing is more menacing to an incompetent manager than an underling speaking the truth. Thankfully corporate lingo allows underlings to be dismissed out of hand because either:- they didn’t use the correct lingo (“Steve fired the only guy who knew how that machine worked and ain’t nobody got time to figure it out because every other machine is falling apart as we speak” -> you get muted on teams and a meeting is booked with HR)
- they did use the the correct lingo which is - entirely by design! - devoid of negative turns of phrase (“our rightsizing efforts mean that other team members will have to step up and synergize” -> sounds fine, deal with it, next topic).
Corpospeak serves an important purpose though. It’s how they identify the correct people to fail upwards.
Golden.
Essentially, the employees most excited and inspired by “visionary” corporate jargon may be the least equipped to make effective, practical business decisions for their companies.
“This creates a concerning cycle,” Littrell said. “Employees who are more likely to fall for corporate bullshit may help elevate the types of dysfunctional leaders who are more likely to use it, creating a sort of negative feedback loop. Rather than a ‘rising tide lifting all boats,’ a higher level of corporate BS in an organization acts more like a clogged toilet of inefficiency.”
Makes sense to me… bullshitters LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE lingo… the people that really know their stuff are able to ELI6 most complex issues
My nemesis at my previous job was a major bullshitter and everyone knew it, except some management. Woe be to those who actually listened to him - it never ended well for them. Other managers knew better, or at least were warned.
Nice guy, but a complete moron professionally.
I recall one time he was telling a group of us about a test he and management wanted to do. “No changes to the software,” he said, repeatedly. Looking around the room, I knew no one believed him (well, he believed it, I’m sure, but no one else), but we all knew it was pointless to point out that he would be proven wrong. And he was, of course. (He wasn’t a liar, just an idiot.)
This dude would do everything he could to make me look bad, sometimes in front of external groups, other times in front of management. I never complained, but others complained to his supervisor on my behalf, and he’d apologize, then do it again a few months later. Again, it wasn’t malice, he’s just an idiot and doesn’t think.
One time I got him. He asked if we had planned for a workload that was higher than some people expected, and I was able to say, “Actually we budgeted for even more than this.” A woman that worked for me, when she saw I was having a bad day, would ask, “Hey remember when you showed up Bob in that meeting in front of management?” It always improved my mood. Some coworkers are gold.
One time, he was set to become my supervisor, and I was like, yeah, I’m gone if that happens. Fortunately, it didn’t.
Hell, a business strategy shouldn’t even be that complex. Complexity in it should stem from depth and details, not fancy words or difficult concepts
I’m sorry, but “synergizing” and “paradigm”, aren’t these just buzzwords that dumb people use to sound important? Not that I’m accusing them of anything like that—
I’m fired, aren’t I?
Oh yes. The rest of you, get to work on thinking of a name. Like Poochie, but more proactive.
So…
Everyone ok with “Poochie”?
So… Everybody okay with synergizing this paradigm then?
I’m fired, aren’t I?
Now now, we don’t use that kind of language here, this is a family company, because our bonds create greater amplification of the synergies between the aligned areas.
HRFamily Relations will have a constructive discussion about your behavior paradigm within the familyThe worst part about it is that if they were actually good at that, they would be extremely valuable. Getting different, unrelated groups who all function in different ways pointing in the same direction is like herding cats, and cat herders are highly sought after in most industries.
It’s just anyone who’s good at it would never call it ‘synergizing paradigms’.
The results of this study will undoubtedly produce a sea change in corporate culture while simultaneously creating opportunities for cross functional collaboration resulting from this paradigm shift. /s
Now I’m going to piggyback of this and open the cupboards on a few more details. When we approach a shift of this magnitude it’s important to fail fast and fail often. Tightening those decision loops will really embrace a lean model needed to get the seismic action we’re after, think Wozniak, Gates, Musk here. Let’s put our best ideas into the meat grinder and make some fucking sausage!
One of my last jobs I started entry-level clerical work but I noticed everyone in the office was talking like this, so I started in on it, I would take advantage of meetings and group projects to just spout utter bullshit like “We really have to circle our wagons and take some of this conversation offline so we can maximize the returns from our diversity” and holy shit did it have an impact. I was promoted before my first year was up, I was invited to more and more meetings, I was treated like a manager before I was even given the role. I was eventually laid off when the company was bought out by private equity but not before climbing to higher management.
“We really have to circle our wagons and take some of this conversation offline so we can maximize the returns from our diversity”
Oh man, you missed an opportunity there… you could have put “Going forward” in front of it!
I did the same. Worked as an IT Problem Manager for one of the worlds largest oil companies for 6 years. Got tired of the bullshit, now I work as a developer in a small company. Pay is way less, but man, an I happier now than 10 years ago!
Yah, shit, I was making salary for the first time in my life and my entire job consisted of acting engaged at pointless meetings.
I make half as much now, but I also hate this work too so there’s that. I keep thinking about picking up some better coding skillsets but then I see yet another workplace gutted by AI and wonder how much time I have as a white-collar worker at all. Might have to go back to painting figures for money.
Corporate shitspeak: the traditional fallback for the utterly useless.
To analyse the impact of this study I recommend that we set up an interdepartmental committee with fairly broad terms of reference so that at the end of the day we’ll be in the position to think through the various implications and arrive at a decision based on long-term considerations rather than rush prematurely into precipitate and possibly ill-conceived action which might well have unforeseen repercussions.
Your connection from premise to results is too tangible, vague it up a bit
We need to empower a multidisciplinary workgroup to establish a performative analysis of our process capabilities from a data driven perspective relative to this newly published benchmark.
This is what I’m talking about
If you need anyone to operationalize our assets for a best-in-brand technology assessment, feel free to drop me a bilateral session to set up preliminaries!
Translation: to make this work best, we need a meeting to plan it.
Too cautious, management wants movement on this, not deliberation. Setup a tiger team and give me an action plan asap.
Setup a tiger team
Meow!
I only know what synergy means from Balatro
lol, I learned it from Job Job. Who says games aren’t educational?
Former attorney Jack Thompson.
This is hilarious.
This is very good news actually.
Love what?
Is there a scientific term for the branch of inquiry dedicated towards proving the obvious? Besides “science”.
You would be surprised at how much “common sense” has been disproved by science.
My favorite example is that for thousands of years, people thought heavy stuff fell faster. And Galileo dropped two balls of similar size and different weight, and people went “da fuque?”
Common sense is just “I assume everyone assumes that…”
No shit. Wait! That’s it! Cornell’s “noshitologists” have discovered what reasonable people already realized.
:D
Science is probing the obvious. Proving the obvious, dunno if that’s called something in particular.
